i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
