i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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