College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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