I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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