You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
