I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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