i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
