oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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