He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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