Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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