Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
