I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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