you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
