i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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