I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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