go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
