He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
