I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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