Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
