I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
