can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
