the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
