I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
wow bdsm is so cute
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