My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm too high and old for this...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
