Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
