Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
