Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
