I'm drive I can fine osifer
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
