is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
