just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
