i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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