his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
