Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
