I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
