I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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