Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
