i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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