i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
