I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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