By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
