just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
