the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
