Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
