I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
