i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
