My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There are leaves in my underwear?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
