Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
