woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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