i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
