Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
