Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
