Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
